Indian Run

Back when I was on the high school track team, we did a thing called the Indian Run. In the sizzling daytime heat of Las Vegas, the squad would line up and begin this grueling distance runner’s tradition with the now politically incorrect name. We’d start at a nicely paced jog, and then the runner at the back of the line would sprint up to the front. He would then set the jog pace, but would soon be replaced by the runner who was now at the back of the ever-lengthening line (lengthening, that is, as runners spread out as they got tired). We’d do this for mile after politically incorrect, sweat-soaked, “why the heck am I doing this?” mile.

And you better bet our feet were shod in the best training shoes money could buy. Nike, Reebok, New Balance — these were the tomahawks, arrows and warpaint of our quest for bravery.

Now days — what with the heat put on the Atlanta Braves over the Tomahawk Chop by the PC-Police, and the Washington Redskins forgoing the Indian brave’s head on their helmets because showing feathers is okay but the visage of a grim-faced warrior is too controversial — I suppose the good old Chaparral High School Cowboys track team does the Native American run, or at the very least, the American-Indian run. Or perhaps, given that a team with the nickname of Cowboys doing something Indian-related might be open to criticism, they might have forgone the tradition all together.

But one tradition that never grows old in America is pandering to special interests, especially if there’s some good PC PR to be had.

Enter Nike, home of athletic shoes that cost more than some monthly mortgages, and their Indian-specific shoe: the Air Native N7. Not to be confused with the Air Jordan. Or the air we need to breathe.

The Air Native N7 is designed for the specific racial characteristics of American-Indian feet. Odd thing to do on Nike’s part, because that would be like admitting that there are physical differences between races, and we all know that sort of thing can get a person, like say Jimmy The Greek, fired. And yet, according to Nike, the Air Native N7 is targeted directly at getting fat Indians off of the couch to bring down their high obesity and diabetes rates. They call it a Tribal Wellness Program. The shoes are wider than usual and shaped for the distinctive curve of the Indian foot. And they come with a “culturally specific look.” Whatever that means. Nike is selling the shoes to the tribes wholesale.

It usually takes me trying on dozens of pairs of athletic shoes to find one that fits correctly and comfortably on my wider than usual, oddly curved fat overweight person’s feet. I wonder if Nike will design a pair and sell it for wholesale to just us regular Americans who were told McDonald’s was healthy when we were kids. My tribe could sure use a wellness program also…

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